The Pitfalls of Internet Dating

The Old Fashioned way

Before Internet dating arrived meeting people was quite different. Take the example of two people meeting at a social event. In this example the social event is interchangeable with any environment, be it a work situation or a party. Often it's the case that when people meet like this they are not necessarily looking for a relationship. They may be quite content being single but when they meet someone to whom they are particularly attracted to they decide to “get involved”. This may be due to the fact that they really click with this new found potential partner.

When this type of situation is broken down and analyzed we see that there is an innocence in this type of meeting. It's not contrived or forced because there is a natural unfoldment and things fall into place. As both parties begin to get to know each other a friendship develops in a no pressure way. Two people meet and decide they really enjoy each others company and want to spend more time together purely because its fun and exciting, perhaps they make each other laugh or there is strong chemistry.

The New Way

Now things are changing. Life is speeding up and people are extremely busy in their professional lives and often don't find the time to be in the type of social arena where they could meet a potential lover.

So Internet dating is a way of speeding the process up. People want what they want and don't have time for games or courting each other. They know what they are looking for and want it now.

One of the major Pitfalls in Internet dating is simply that the innocence referred to above is no longer there.

When a person is using Internet dating it an active searching. They want a relationship and hope to find the person with whom to have that relationship.

If you look back at the scenario titled “The old fashioned way” you will see that the concept of “Wanting a relationship and hoping to find the person with whom that can happen”.

Really for things to unfold in a non pressure way it should be the reverse. You should meet someone and after some time decide that you want to be in a relationship because you have met the right person.

The fact that we want a relationship before we meet someone creates all sorts of unconscious pressure.

So what tends to happen is that two people who are both looking for a relationship meet online and after some preliminary discussion, be it through the medium of chat, phone calls or email they decide that there is a “possibility of potential” and make plans to meet up.

This where things get confusing. Both people are looking for a relationship and both people know that the other person is looking for a relationship, so there is a tendency to give it a chance or see how things go. This is the beginning of the end. The reason is simple. Pressure! It's unconsciously forced.

The way to avoid this is to remember exactly what you set out for in the first place.

You don't just want a relationship! You want a relationship with “that special person”. Some one with whom there is a strong connection, physical attraction. Chemistry, excitement.

Without these ingredients a relationship will eventually stagnate.